Attack of the Boredom Deamons
by Cougar9
Summary: Boredom Deamons infest my highschool. What ta do what ta do. Charmed,Angel, Buffy, they all fail...so, we'll go to the XMen! General insanity. funfic tho. i prettied up the format. R&R, PLZ!


-1Disclaimers: Don't own the X-Men (mostly cartoon version), Charmed Ones, Ghostbusters, Buffy and the Scooby Gang, Angel and his team or Jimmy Neutron. Don't sue, ya won't get anything.

Quote (cuz i start out all my things with quotes): We are all born mad. Some remain so. --

Attack of the Boredom Demons

Boredom-n; weariness caused by dull tiresome people or events.

Event: Two days left of school. No work being done in any class. The boredom accumulates and before anyone can stop it...Boredom Demons materialize out of the bored air.

Dum Dum DUUUMMMMM!

Boredom Demons: pygmy-like demons; small, one foot at the most; thought to be a cross between normal evil doing demons and trickster gremlins. Boredom Demons are normally red, black or a mixture of the two. They usually have at least one spike/horn protruding from their head, a tail ending with a spear tip and a green forked tongue.

Boredom Demons are notorious for their parasitic like habits. They are able to vaporize themselves and then enter their host. The demon's presence eventually causes the host to become insane, upon which the demon exits and looks for new prey.

My high school is infested.

A group of girls form a tight circle and chase away any boy that comes near. They all turn triumphantly and show off the rings that they drew on themselves with markers and exclaim how they're married to each other. Their lives are soon crushed as the drama mounts and some are found to have 'married' more than one girl. Insanity has been established and the demons exit, looking for more mischief.

Others are seen writing on the board as if it were MSN. Arguments occur over their improvised screens and soon shouting and shoving occurs. Insanity has been established.

While the MSN-ers fight, drawers take over the board and make up a new comic strip. Plots are discussed in detail. Within five minutes the comic team has split up into sections, competing with each other for national recognition. The drawings on the board become gruesome as their war spills into their work. Insanity has been established.

But there's more. A circle is seated on the floor, all sitting Indian style. The leader is reading from a motivational book, "Smile all the way while driving to work." The group nods in unison (creepy, aint it?). Insanity has been established.

The teachers? They needed extra coffee. The teacher's lounge, however, was converted to a purple misted portal that sucked them into an alternate dimension filled with sugar-hyped-up five year olds.

I need to do something. There's too much giggling. I hate happy. It's insane giggling, but its still giggling. Why aint I infected? Because I'm already crazy, ergo, I have an immunity towards the insanity that the demons infect upon their hosts.

So what do I do? Who'm I gonna call? HEY! GHOSTBUSTERS! What? Oh. They're retired. Ah well, I'm all the way in Montana, so that's a bit far from New York City anyways.

The Charmed Ones? Just an orb away, right? But how to contact them? Oh My God...The motivational people are trying to draw me into their group.

"While driving to or from work," the leader reads, "say the alphabet putting passion and exaggeration into each letter."

"Uh...huh," I move away, "I'm gonna go ta the bathroom...I'll practice that though..."

Walking through the halls, I have to step over or around piles of garbage. Some kids have started cleaning out their lockers. I dodge an old bottle of Dr. Pepper and narrowly miss it exploding on me. I won't even bother trying the girls bathroom...I can hear giggling all the way out in the hall. Music Room, maybe? No classes in there anyway.

The music teacher is sitting placidly in her office, drinking some tea. She might have an immunity, as we did drive her more than a little crazy during her first few years. I'll just be careful in case its a trap. When I glance up at the window I see a little red demon climbing in. I rush over and slam it in his/her face (don't wanna seem sexist now). It screams as s/he falls to the basketball court.

K...where was I? The Charmed Ones, right. "Leo!...LEO?" I shout to the ceiling. The music teacher gets up and, with a glare at me, slams the door to her office, making the glass rattle. oops...

Blue orbs appear, followed by Leo Wyatt. "Who are you?"

"We need your help," I blurt, surprised he'd actually come. "Or...rather, we need your wife's and sisters in law's help. The school's under attack by Boredom Demons."

"Boredom Demons?" his eyes widen, "You think I'm going to let three FEMALE WITCHES get anywhere NEAR Boredom Demons! You're crazy."

"Yea...I've already established that, scroll back up," I point up, "see, there, where it explains why I'm not infected?"

"Oh," he squints up at my messy writing then turns back to me, "But I'm still not letting them fight hordes of Boredom Demons." Suddenly two of the little suckers fall from the ceiling and start pawing at his legs, "Screw THIS!" he tries to kick them off.

"Fine. I'll just call PAIGE!" I bellow at the top of my lungs. She's half white lighter, after all, she can orb too. And she does, conveniently bringing her sisters, cuz I'm the author and things get to happen to my advantage.

"Who're you? And how come I came here?" Paige gave the school a dubious look, probably thinking it was some old abandoned warehouse, because our school kinda sucks.

"Whoa!" Piper notices the demons attacking Leo and blows them off of him. "What the hell is that?" Anyone else miss her saying that all the time?

"Boredom Demons." I answer, eyeing Phoebe, who happens to be floating herself in the air for no apparent reason. "I think she's infected."

"Infected? What do you mean 'infected'? Leo...what does she mean 'infected'?" Piper sounds panicky. She's not gonna shrivel up into one of those things is she?"

"No..." Leo looks utterly depressed over Phoebe's infection.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" the middle witch hangs off of one of the ceiling fans and makes funny noises. "EW. Piper, don't come up here, these things are filthy."

The elder witch frowns, "Why on earth would I go up there?" After another glance upward at the fans and her sister, she decides that the entire room is filthy and disgusting and promptly starts blowing things up "Ewwww...that's disgusting," she says at the spit stains on the carpet.

Leo sighs again. Paige orbs in with a bunch of squirrels "Be Free!" She shoo's them out into the hall. "What?" she asks after receiving a death glare from Piper, "Some boys were throwing shoes at them outside...I HAD to save them. And they're cute."

"We need..." Phoebe starts thinking out loud, still hanging from a fan, "...to summon some ghosts...we can have a party!" She looks quite delighted with her finished thought.

"Good idea." Piper actually agrees, giving up on trying to freeze one of Paige's squirrels.

Paige orbs back from the music teacher's office, "She has tea, so we can borrow some of those herbs." She holds up the pilfered tea bags happily.

Poor Leo looks over at me, defeated, "I hate you."

"Shut up. It's your fault anyway." I glare back, then turn on my heel and leave the room.

Shut up, you too. It is his fault. If he'd gone and gotten them, they'd be better prepared. Don't mess with the authors. We have nasty ways to make people, or white lighters, suffer.

Two demons look up at me curiously outside the room. As if on cue they both hold up their clawed hands and bear their pointed teeth in a hiss, like out of some old corny monster movie. I stare at them blankly, then give them a look of disgust. "Grrrrrr," I snarl back.

They stop mid hiss and stare at me wide eyed then scamper off. Really, they're kinda cute...maybe I'll keep one for a pet. Oh, yea, task at hand...who else should I try? Angel Investigations, of course.

I use the phone in the office, no one being there to tell me not to. Cordelia answers, "Angels Investigations, we help the hopeless."

"My school's infested with boredom demons," is the first thing I say into the receiver.

After a few questions and answers, I send Leo out to go orb them. He only goes because its the only way to save his charges, especially since the Elders are jingling him angrily at his failings. After he brings Angel, Cordy, and Doyle (because I like Doyle, he should never have died), he returns to his wife and sister in laws who are arguing with Grams over shoes or some such.

Angel starts, "What exactly are..." he's cut off by a demon chewing on his nifty leather trench coat. "Ok, so we just kill them right?"

"Sure," I shoo one away from my shoulder.

"Cordy can you...Cordy?" Angel looks around for the young woman, only to find her immersed in the Charmed One's conversation. No, she wasn't infected, she was just Cordelia.

Doyle sighed loudly, "Just what we need." Love his accent! But we both turn to Angel to find him sitting with the music teacher, sharing her tea, and talking to her like she's a shrink. She's listening rather well, considering he's telling her about his life in the 1700's.

"And...he's infected too, great." The half deacon turns to me, "Now what?"

I shrug, then smile cheerfully at him, "YOU wanna fight them?"

"Not particularly, no. Doubt that I'll get infected though."

"Half demon, I know."

"Why exactly aren't you infected?" he squints one eye at me suspiciously.

"All ready crazy," I point up again and he skims over the explanation, then nods. We stand there for awhile before he mutters something about needing a 'pint'.

"That's beer, right?" I ask.

"Aye, that's beer," he's watching a group of giggling girls wearily.

"This IS a Montana town. The main places of association are churches and bars. There's 3 on Main Street alone--" he's already running for the door, could be that the gigglers are chasing him talking about a make over or some such. "HEY!" I shout at his back, "Who's gonna help!"

"Call Buffy?" he shouts back, and then he's gone, much to my disappointment.

So I have Leo orb in the Scooby gang-Buffy, Giles, Anya, Willow, Oz, Xander and Spike (cuz I like him too). Stupid thing, really, since it was THEIR last week of school. They brought more Boredom Demons with them.

Yea. Buffy, Willow, Xander and Oz are all running around playing tag. Anya's with Angel and the music teacher, discussing their immortal problems. Spike's getting into fights with some wanna be gangsters who tried to steal his cigs and the superintendent is trying to give him detention for swearing, but isn't quite sure if they're swear words or not. Giles was sucked into the purple misted teachers lounge...I kinda sent him there, thinking he could help. Guess I was wrong.

OK...obviously, Californians are susceptible to the Boredom Demon's powers. Who else could I call...THE X-MEN! I'll just contact Xavier with my suddenly acquired telepathy (I'm the author, I can do what ever I want). So I think really hard for a minute or two. After waiting a good half hour, I hear a jet land outside on the basketball court. Some people fly up while Nightcrawler teleports the others. Don't worry about how I know all of them, along with being crazy, I'm also quite weird, if you haven't figured it out.

"What's the situation?" Cyclops asks in an all-in-charge voice.

"'sides the fact that the roof is on fire with lil' red dudes with horns 'n tails dancin' around the flames chantin' demonically?" how could they miss that on the way over?

"Ach!" Kurt exclaims with sudden clarity, "Zey are demons...I mean...REAL demons!"

I look at him for a moment before saying slowly as if to a dull child "Mhm, VERY good." My tone changes back into a matter of fact one as I explain for the zillionth time, "They're Boredom Demons and their buggin' me, so do somethin' about them, would ya?"

Wolverine pops his claws, "They aint human so I getta kill 'em, right?"

"Yes. They're infecting people with insanity and no one out crazys ME."

"All right," Cyclops tries to take back over, "how do we kill them?"

I shrug back, "Try what ya will."

The team fans out. Storm puts out the fire and electrocutes the demons on the roof, with much dramatic monolog.

Cyclops is shooting anything red and black in his path, grimacing at the unappreciated activity of pushing buttons on his visor.

Beast is doing unnecessary acrobatics to demolish his share.

Jean tries to invade their minds but over exherts herself after the first one and promptly faintes with an "Uhhhnng!" like noise, to which Scott rushes to her side with an agonizing, "Jean! NO!"

Rogue is flying around smashing random things (she'd been infected but no one is going to say anything because she's...well...strong...).

Kurt is working on teleporting the teachers back but not many are still mentally stable.

Gambit is cornering demons in the superintendents office and throwing card after card, not hitting many.

"Yer missin' most of them," I pipe up.

"Gambit knows. He's hittin' some," the cajun says with a smirk.

"Are you infected?"

"Nope. Jus' don' like school authority figures," he explains while blowing up a chair.

"oh. Ok then." I don't much care for them either.

I move on to bugging Wolverine who is spattering green demon blood everywhere. "So," he started while casually impaling one, "why aint you infected?"

"I'm already crazy. Don't you people read these fics before ya jump in them? I've only said it a dozen times." I kick one of the little sh--...uh...I mean SHORT...things across the hall. Hey! This is rated PG for a reason! I'm just not sure what it is yet...we'll see.

Just then a horde of teachers plow through the hall.

The science teacher is muttering scientific explanations to little kid questions (i.e. Why is the sky blue/grass green? What makes clouds? Are you as smart as Jimmy Neutron?).

The history teacher-a 70 something year old guy-is moaning and holding his head ranting about how cartoons have succeeded in ruining kids entire idea of world history.

The English teacher is roaring with laughter and repeating corny little kid jokes.

The art teacher shuffles by covered in paint.

The gym teacher drags herself by looking exhausted.

I follow Wolverine out of their path and into the Algebra room, being greeted by, "WHO THE HECK GOT GREEN STUFF ON MAH CARPET!" in the slightest southern drawl.

I remain silent and look at him like he's an idiot. I don't much care for him. He's loud. The school had to put in carpet in his room just to muffle his voice some.

The X-Man looks offended, however, which is kinda a scary look on The Wolverine. "I've been killin' demons fer yer school--"

"AH DON'T GIVE A RIP!" the teacher actually uses his most famous line on Logan. "GET SOMETHING TA CLEAN THIS GOO OFFA MAH CARPET!"

"Look bub, I aint gonna clean floors fer no one."

The teacher throws his grade book at the other man's back (he's been known for throwing stuff), "GET BACK HERE BEFORE--"

His words are cut off along with his head by Wolverine's claws. "Oops," he said sarcastically as the body dropped, "I thought that was a demon," he stares at me meaningfully.

Shrugging back I reply, "hey, he's short and his face was red from yellin'. It was an honest mistake." Did I mention that I didn't like him much? hehe.

My friend Chantz shouts from the corner, "Holy crap!...now I'm all bloodstained"

I look back at him, "Your point?" and grin to annoy him.

"Ha, now I'm the math king!" There's a heavy silence. "Ok, I'm comin' with you."

I squint at him, "Are you infected...?"

"From?'

"Are you insane?"

He feigns shock, looking over both shoulders, "I hope you're not implying I was ever _sane._"After i continue to stare at him he answers "Yep."

"Ok...let's go then." We walk out of the room. (A/N:Credit where credit's due, Chantz wrote his little introduction here. yay for him too.)

Upon re-entering the hall I see the home ec./foods teacher chasing Jean around with a spoon of non-edible looking food, "Try This!" she says in an irritating voice. For a foods teacher, she can't cook worth crap.

"NO!" Jean screeches as she gets cornered.

"But I got the recipe from the cook!" the woman gestures and smiles like an idiot, her eyes wide with happiness.

The cook is suddenly in the hall, for this reason, and waves her ungloved hand holding some sandwich meat, then starts hacking on both hands. After her coughing fit, she continues to breathe in a disgusting, raspy noise. Then she disappears again.

"NO!" The X-Woman yells again and throws the teacher through a wall with her telekinesis, promptly fainting with an unattractive sounding "Ung!.

Cyclops rushes to her with a tormented yell of "Jean! NO!" once again.

But Jean fainted in vain. The foods teacher rises from the rubble of the former wall and all her wounds close up metallically. She's the bad terminator from T2! She glares at us and slowly waggles her finger back and forth.

An all out war is fought but none of the X-Men can stop her from healing. Just then, Jubilee comes out of the computer room with a little red and black spotted demon on a leash, "Look, I got a new pet!"

"Jubes, darlin', that's nice but we're tryin' ta kill an evil cyborg-type-thing posing as a foods teacher that can't cook," Logan explains patiently to the teen.

"OK people," Cyclops speaks up, "our options are running out and we still haven't found this thing's weakness."

"Isn't that obvious since it aint dead!" Wolverine snaps IMpatient now. "Stupid di--"

I'm suddenly forced to smack him upside the head with the CENSOR Stick, "PG! PG!"

"_dipstick_" the words blurt out as he mouths other ones. "Hey! What gives?"

"Look," I point to the ratings, "PG-no swear words."

"AW _shoot_! Ya mean I can't say _witch_ or _dork_head or _butt_ or _flaming_?" he frowns as his own voice dubs over himself.

"ya catch on quick."

"Shut the _heck_ up before I kick the _flaming shoot _outta ya, ya little _witch_." Again he frowns at the words that don't fit out of his lips, "This sucks."

"EAT THIS FOOD!" the teacher interrupts and shoves spoons of stuff that looks like cat food into their mouths. Note that I'm not eating it. I have special privileges, being the author. Plus, I took a semester of her, aint that enough? Anyway, the team began to gag.

"Food...too...yucky..." Jean struggles, "penetrating...my mind...must...stop...it--UNG!" and faints.

"Jean!" Scott screams falling to her side, "NO!"

Storm points dramatically, "We Must Stop That Creature!"

"Hey!" Jubilee shouts with sudden recognition, "I saw this movie. Iceman, freeze it, then throw it into the sun, Rogue." Bobby has just now appeared and Rogue is no longer insane cuz I said so.

Cyclops fulfills his delusions of being the respected leader and nods the go-ahead to the team, although they already finished the task in a matter of seconds without incident.

So everyone's happy that there's no more nasty food. The demons are mostly gone and people are regaining sanity. The Scooby's, Angel Investigation and Charmed Ones are gone.

"Thank you for saving our school," the gym teacher says and shakes everyone's hand--not mine, she doesn't like me. "I'm Mrs. Selvig, by the way."

Gambit looks stricken and leans into Rogue, "Dat's a WOMAN!"

"SHHHH" Rogue hisses, elbowing him in the ribs.

Before the team can board their jet, a skinny short boy with messy unwashed hair starts talking, "You're mutants aren't you?"

Wolverine starts gagging and has to move away. The others simply smile politely and either breath through their mouths or try not to notice him reeking of stale B.O.

"Yes," Jean replies smiling, "but that doesn't mean we're evil."

"That's what I thought, you were mutants. Also I knew that you weren't evil because you were killing those little things."

"Demons. Yes. But we must leave now." Storm and the others edge toward the door.

"I told the others that you were mutants but they weren't listening because they were all crazy," he laughs at himself. "But I told them that you were good because that's why you were fighting the demons."

"OK, Shut up now." I blurt out. He annoys me.

"I don't take orders from kids," he makes a pitiful attempt at glowering at me.

"How's about I make ya shut up?" I reply, still pleasant.

"I'd like to see you try. My number one rule, You can't hurt what you can't hit-"

I cut off his babble, "Try me," dropping the politeness.

"You also couldn't because THEY are here. And they're the good guys so they'd stop you. And I knew they were good after I saw them kill the demons."

"That's nice but-" Beast is cut off

"I didn't know they were demons, but I was pretty sure you were mutants. I notice things that other people don't notice. But I saw you kill them and knew you were good."

"Yea, dats good fo' you, but--" Gambit tries to say.

"Because I knew for SURE that the demons were evil because they were making everyone go crazy," he makes a big circle motion at the side of his head and laughs at himself again.

"Uh..." Scott thinks quickly, "OH! the Prof. just called and we have another mission, we have to go--"

"See that's another thing, you must be pretty busy fighting all the demons in this world huh? I mean, after people realize you're good you must get called alot huh?" Stink Boy continues.

Jubilee pops her gum loudly, "look kid, we gotta go so just shut up, k?" No one reproaches the teenager's forwardness.

"I don't take orders," he replies with an annoying heir of wanna-be self-confidence. "I went around pointing out that you were good though no one believed me because they were all crazy," once more he laughs at himself. "But I KNEW you were good when I saw--"

"AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGG!" Wolverine lunges and swiftly decapitates the annoyance.

Everyone stares at him. "The stench overwhelmed my other senses," he answers simply, "thought he was a demon."

"Understandable," Cyclops shrugs.

"Could 'appen to anyone, mon ami," Gambit slaps him on the back.

"We all make mistakes," Jean replies.

"Nothing to worry yourself about," Storm consoles.

I look over to Chantz, who's standing there stoically again, cuz he kinda does that alot. "I am so NOT bringing HIM back."

"Pshh...I didnt like him." He points to the pooling green blood."But look, he WAS a demon."

"Always knew something was wrong with him," my best-yet-strangely-absent-friend comes up. GUEST APPEARANCE! Never heard of Wolf? Well, who cares!

"Where were YOU?" Chantz asks.

She shrugs back, "I fought off the demons so well that they made me their queen, but then there was a coup and I was stuck in a cage in the library."

"Oh," then I shrug back, followed by a shrug from Chantz.

"I killed all the disloyal ones in a bloody massacre tho," she says lightly.

"Cool. Wish I was there, but I had ta try ta find someone ta kill the deamons..."I frown, "...your followers...odd."

"Who ever said we was normal!" she shouts back in outrage.

We both turn to the X-Men, "Bye now."

"Oh, right, we're going. OK." Scott fumbles.

So that's my story of Boredom Demons, Ghostbusters, The Charmed One's, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Gang, Angel and his Investigations Team, Terminator 2 and the X-Men. But there's a surprise in store yet.

PLOT TWIST!

I suddenly wake up with dozens of foot high demons surrounding me, "Wha--"

"Welcome," Wolf says stoically from an impressive looking throne, "to my domain!" The library has been redecorated in a dungeon/gothic theme.

"Wha--" I manage again.

"The demons infected ya. Turns out craziness isn't a good immunity. I made them disinfect you, so to speak." She grins, "Aint it cool? They Worship me. You can be my right hand man...er woman."

I blink again, "You can't be worshipped by demons."

"Nuh-huh, see," she points to the crowd, "Sand On One Leg!" she barks. They all do while staring at her adoringly. "See," she says again.

"Oh," I say slightly surprised and unsure. I reply happily with a shrug, "OK. Can we make 'em invade work? Please, Please, Please? Can we? Huh? Can we? Can we?"

"And mine?" Chantz come in, being tackled by dozens of demons. Wolf calls them off and he's only mildly confused for the moment, isnt that nice?

"Sure," Wolf the Demon Queen answers.

And so we lived happily ever after...wait...did I kill and/or insult everyone I wanted to?...yup, ok then.

Jean holds her head, "Can't...understand plot...confusion overwhelming...must--UNG!"

"JEAN!" Cyclops cries, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #gasp for air# OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

FIN.


End file.
